I have been lucky enough to be a WAHM since my daughter was born, running my photography business out of my house and when I work, my husband is home or my dad is available to babysit. It has been next to glorious. But this is all about to change.
I am finishing up my second degree in teaching and HAVE to student teach before I can officially be certified. I don't plan to teach right away, but would like to eventually when my little monkey is a little bit older. It is a great career to have in conjunction with my photography business and while being a momma. But here is the problem, I am fairly sure I am more attached to her then she is to me. I cannot handle being away from her for very long and the thought of being away from her every day, from 8am until 4pm, for 15 weeks makes my stomach turn.
Trust me, I KNOW I am super privelaged to have spent as much time with her and a lot of moms go back to work after 2-4 months...but it still doesn't make this any easier. My dad has grashiously volunteered to watch her three days a week, so I am now trying to figure out what to do the other two days.
Daycare. In-home babysitting. Pros and cons to both. I would be all over the in-home babysitting if I knew someone who would be willing to do this. I, however, am not comfortable leaving my little angel with a stranger at my house- with no one to oversee. I am just not that trusting. On the other hand, I am worried that at a daycare she will not be stimulated enough and will be stuck in a pack-n-play all day. I mean, she is crawling and almost walking, so I guess this probably won't happen, but I am a pesimest by nature.
The other issue with daycare is most have a minimum of 3 days/week. We want 2 days/week.
The last issue is that I am a control freak and this is multiplied by about a gazillion with my daughter. When I think about leaving her with anyone except husband/grandparents/misc. family it brings about thoughts of her not getting enough to eat, her being scared, her getting hurt and ME not being able to be there for her. I literally tear up when I think about this.
I don't know what to do. Scratch that, I DO know what to do. I want her and I to live in a bubble for the next 20 years so that she never has anything bad happen to her ever and so that I can protect her. Do you think I could convince the school to let me do my student teaching with her in the Patapum?
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
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3 comments:
I was one who had to go back after 12 weeks. No lie, the day after I had her, I held her and cried for about a good 2 hours just thinking that one day I'd have to leave her in the care of someone else.
The first day she went to daycare, I cried from the minute I woke up to the minute I left, on the entire drive to work. I cried while I stopped for my first [purchased] pack of cigarettes in about 3 years, smoking 4 of them in the 30 minutes it took me to drive there.
I continued crying every day for about 6 weeks. Then it grew less. Eventually, once I got my daughter into a daycare situation I loved, I started crying even less. I knew I wanted a center and not a nanny because I liked the idea of multiple people with her, and, the center never calls out sick or takes week long vacations.
She is thriving and is SO stimulated... they love on her and care for her with kid gloves, and they simply adore her... and it shows.
Oh, she's 9 months old next week and has been in daycare for 5+ months now. I only stopped smoking a few weeks ago...lol.
I feel your pain sister, I *truly* and sincerely do.
I agree with Belly's Monster Mama. It's super hard at first but eventually it gets easier. Plus, she only needs to be in daycare two days a week. It's like the best of both worlds. She'll get tons of one on one time with her parent's and her grandpa but then she'll also get the group time to interact with other kids and have some structured play time. Jake's going to be going to daycare two days a week in the Fall and this is what I've been telling myself to feel better about it. :) Honestly, though, I think it's going to be a good thing for both of them.
FYI, when I was looking for a daycare for Jake I found that Church run ones tended to be more flexible and more willing to do 2 days.
@Belly Monster: I've never been a smoker, but maybe it is time for a new hobby :)
@Amy: I do think it will be a good thing. I will still feel guilty because as a mother I think that is sewn into your fabric of what makes you up. But I really do think it will be good for her. I wish we lived closer so Jake and Melrose could hang together!
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